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  • Writer's pictureQueen Favor-Wheeler

Women who kill themselves

Suicide has been brought to the forefront of our thinking over the last few days. It happens often without our notice only to be grieved by family and friends of the deceased.

I've heard it said that no one wants to actually die they just want the pain to stop - I believe that assessment.

Women no matter the age, color, social status or economic position are challenged with the question of "how do I make the pain stop" at one time or another. Often no one ever knows that we have battled it or to what degree because it's something that you do alone in your aloneness. The place where despair pierces the heart in such a way that to inhale once more is more frightening than to never breathe again.

There is very little power outside of oneself to pull us out of such a dark place because we go there alone and insist on being alone. So what do we do? There is plenty of information out there on how to see the warning signs and how to seek help for your loved one, friend or co-worker.

But what about You? When the darkness is closing in on you how do you respond? How do you recognize and categorize?

When I was in California a few weeks ago standing on my girlfriend's back patio looking at the mountains she told me about the wild fires that almost made it to her door coming from that direction. She told me of the horse farm back there filled with beautiful horses. These horses were well trained, groomed, and bred. The owners and trainers were prepared for such a catastrophe and had a well thought out plan to take the horses to safe location if the fire reached them. The fire took an unexpected turn and quickly reached their doorstep. The trainers feverishly opened the stable doors, the individual doors and the outer fence so that the horses could be led to safety. The trainers did all they could to follow the plan and save the lives of these beautiful well bred, well trained, valuable horses. There was a wild card at play that they were not prepared for… The horses were well trained and conditioned. They knew that they weren't supposed to leave their stables unless certain rituals were done by their trainers. They were well conditioned to behave in a particular way at particular times with particular input from their trainers. Horses that were strong, healthy and able unintentionally committed suicide. They refused to run, they refused the help of their trainers, they refused to choose the option of life unintentionally.

It's easy to overlook our inability to make what seem to be clear choices, to live, win, love, be, when the fire is not at our door. When it arrives we likely will not perform at our highest enlightened full of faith and positivity self but at the level in which we ourselves have practiced the art of self- healing and the willingness to be healed. Self-healing looks like vulnerability. It calls others to itself to apply themselves to it like a healing balm. It allows others to see it, feel it, hear it and hold it.

I ponder this and check myself. Looking for the ways that I have arranged my life so that there is someone there to recognize my signs, to feel my energy shifts, to hear my silent cries to hold the space for me as I travel through the darkness. Have you set your life up to live? Have you set your life up to be witnessed? It is your responsibility to do so. Do it before it reaches your door for then it is too late. We need you here. You hold an ingredient to the healing balm the world needs and it is unique to you. We want you here. Do the work to live!

Your sister friend,


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