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  • Writer's pictureQueen Favor-Wheeler

We need more "foul" mouth women

Over the last several days I, along with many and possibly even you, have been on an emotional and mental roller coaster. The sight and sounds of children traumatized from separation was so impactful that I had to take brain numbing breaks.

Once it seemed that positive political action had been done, I went silent. Silent publicly but not within. I had been arrested emotionally and mentally.

I saw a drawn picture on facebook of a woman's face from the side with the handle of a gun overlaying the throat area and the barrel overlaying the tongue pointed outwardly with the caption "a woman's deadliest weapon". I also read a post from a woman that condemned how the robust debates and discussions around the current social issues appeared to make others feel like their opinions didn't matter or like they were being attacked. Both of these posts were done as positive peaceful messages encouraging others to live in peace and spread joy.

Nevertheless, all of the above support remind me of the conditioning that I as a woman have received when it comes to using my voice. Being conditioned that I should appreciate what is given to me because others have less is what was triggered in me when I saw children covered with foil blankets on a floor and looked at as a blessing because it could be worse. Being conditioned to believe that following the "rules" is what makes me a good person was triggered by the arguments that it's acceptable because it is the law. The meme of the woman's throat and tongue triggered in me the conditioning that a women who speaks of ill is speaking ill of and brings harm which is opposite of a good woman. The post that condemned the debates and arguments triggered in me the conditioning that a quarrelsome woman is not of God and wanted by no man - a Godly or Spiritual woman's words do not anger or bother only makes others feel good.

And just that quick I was able to be arrested. Arrested by my own self. Shut up and sat down.

Social and economic issues have a way of reminding us what's in us and how it got there. At the first sight we often rise up robustly and raise our voices in response to how what we see cracks our heart open or inflates our fear. We come alive or as the saying goes we wake up to the alarm with an adrenaline rush. Adrenaline outweighs any pain present but as the adrenaline wears off, as it has, the pain of what has been revealed about us sets in. And this is when we reach for our pain relievers.

One of my favorite go-to pain relievers is spirituality which replaced religion once it stopped working for me. I usually get as high on it as I can and encourage everyone around me to do the same. It makes me feel good and allows me to focus on higher thoughts which makes me feel even better. But when I experienced the increase of videos, pictures and stories of black men being gunned down or beaten, children killed and traumatized in school shootings, hate crimes everywhere, racial tension, mass shooting etc. I realized that I can't use my pain reliever in a way that makes me either go to sleep or live in the land of lollipops.

I must stay woke and alert. Only then am I able to stay connected to all of humanity. I must allow myself to sit with and work through the things that such events trigger in me so that the wounds of conditioning and trauma can heal. I must learn a new way of Being that allows me to feel the discomfort with my fellow man without feeling a need to control or judge how they respond while responding from my heart. There is some real crappy low life stuff happening right now. There is some really good stuff happening right now. There is everything in between. The challenge is expanding enough to stay connected to humanity at both ends of the pole and everywhere in between.

I believe that we have the capacity to stretch and expand in a way that allows us to stay connected. If you are a woman reading this - You are the reason I believe that it's possible.

Your Soul Sister,


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